I’ve Been Holding Out on You… And Myself
By Heather Doyle Fraser
I have been reacquainted with my love of poetry of late. And although this isn’t good poetry, I thought I would start things off today with a little haiku:
I guess I left out
Something important. I help
Writers publish books.
Recently, it was lovingly and assertively brought to my attention by my coach that I’ve been holding out on all of you, and myself. I’ve been keeping quiet about one of the most important things about my business: who I work with, and ultimately, what I do.
Ouch!
I felt that sting. I let it sink in for a moment, and in that space -- that place of pause, I knew she was right.
“Let me explain... No, there is too much. Let me sum up.”
InIgo Montoya, The Princess Bride
If you follow me, you know I am a writer. I talk about my books, particularly 40 Weeks: A Daily Journey of Inspiration and more recently Freedom: How Teens Can Use Mindful Compassion to Thrive in a Chaotic World and Grow a Purpose-driven Life (co-written with my husband) all the time. I have done video series on these books. I reference them frequently. Not new territory. You may also know I am a coach and that I infuse compassionate mind training, strategies, and skills into my coaching, hence the topics of my books.
However, you may not know that the people I predominantly work with are writers -- or rather, self-motivated entrepreneurs and thought leaders who also want to write and publish books. Why do I have the expertise to do this? I spent nearly 15 years in the higher education publishing industry as an executive development editor. I left corporate publishing, studied coaching for two years while also working as a project director for an early childhood education grant at The Ohio State University, and then I finally opened my coaching practice in 2012.
With my background and experience, I know the ins and outs of traditional publishing. I know the ins and outs of self-publishing. And I also know the ins and outs of coaching, and I layer everything I do with compassionate skills and strategies for my clients.
Why would compassion be important in writing a book? I’m so glad you asked!
Writing a book isn’t easy. In fact, it’s quite challenging. And it can bring up a lot of fears. I know, you’re probably thinking, what kind of fears could writing a book bring up? The deep-seated ones. The ones we harbor in our hearts and don’t talk about to anyone. Fears that make us feel weak and whiny and fragile. Fears like these:
Who will want to read this book?
What makes me think I can do this?
Is my writing even any good?
What makes me think that what I have to say is special?
What will people think of me once they read my book?
What if I don’t sell a single copy?
What if I can’t finish writing it?
What if I give up before I begin like all of the other things in my life?
What if I do all this work and it’s all for nothing?
Other people have already written about this topic, and probably better, why should I even try?
What if I’m actually a terrible writer and I’ve been living under a grandiose fallacy for years?
The list could go on and on and on, but I think you have the gist… (and, I said I was only going to sum up).
So what do these fears do? They stop us in our tracks. We become “blocked” and really cranky. We procrastinate (or at least it looks like procrastination from the outside). We distract ourselves with “important” and not so important things. We create drama in other areas of our lives to distract us from the one thing we are most afraid of doing that also happens to be the one thing we are most passionate about -- it’s tough stuff.
That’s where self-compassion comes in. It’s not our fault that we have these fears, but as we begin to soothe ourselves in healthy ways we can begin to move toward those things that we value most as well. And in the case of many of many of my clients, it’s writing that book!
“But where do we go from here?” my clients always ask at the end of that first conversation.
“No worries!” I reply. “I have a process, and content expertise, and strategies to help you find the path that is best for you. I have strategies to help you stay on the path too, and when we are at the end, I can also help you make your way over the finish line.”
That sums it up… or at least sums up this part of the story.
If you are curious about what that process looks like or would like to connect to learn more, come on over to the CREATE section of the Compassionate Mind Collaborative (https://cmcollab.com) and connect with me. I would love to take some more time to explain instead of merely summing up.