The thing that we need as writers – more than anything else – is a consistent writing practice that takes into account that there will be days when you feel inspired and days when you feel hum-drum.
For the Love of Letters
…A couple of years ago, we found letters, though. Letter after letter dating back to the 1930s, some barely legible and faded after years of being stored in a shoebox. Letters from my grandfather to my grandmother which explored his deep and abiding love for her. These letters were stunningly expressive, heartfelt, deep explorations of love.
What My Run Reminded Me About My Writing Practice
If there is one activity that brings on my creativity and inspiration it is walking. I am a walker. Nature soothes my soul and allows me to access inner safeness in a world that feels chaotic and overwhelming at times. I like to walk alone. I like to walk with my dog. I like to walk with friends and family occasionally, but mostly it’s just me on my walks and all of my parts that need some soothing.
Productivity and Writing is a Tricky Alliance
We live in a culture and a time where busy-ness and productivity are badges of honor, self-worth, and pride. If you aren’t making the most of your time, what are you doing? Binging Netflix, of course. You are either supremely productive or a lazy sloth – one or the other. And only one of these entitles you to feeling worthy, feeling like you are enough. (Read more…)
How Did NaNoWriMo Work for You?
November was National Novel Writing Month. I hear people start to talk about this in late October, “November is National Novel Writing Month! I’m going to do it this year! I’m going to write my book in November!”
Let’s be clear about something from the outset, here. I think NaNoWriMo is awesome. I think it inspires people to think big and imagine a world where they are writing daily and that vision seems exciting and sexy, and also a little scary. And if you sign up for NaNoWriMo on their website — if you look around a little before November 1 — you will see that the good people who birthed this idea intend a few things…
Compassion at the Core. Always.
by Heather Doyle Fraser
When I think of the people with whom I work on a daily basis, this is one of the things I notice: they are storytellers who intrinsically value compassion. This is why I am working with them — so that they can share their voices but also so that the message of compassion can make its way into the world in as many ways as possible.
Today is a big day because one of my authors is publishing her book. It’s an unlikely book for me to publish on the surface. It’s a second edition of a children’s chapter book that was originally written and published in 1991. The Little Girl Who Grew Up to Be Governor: Leadership Lessons and Stories From the Life of Martha Layne Collins, second edition by Frances Smith Strickland, PhD is releasing today!
On the surface, this book teaches leadership skills to young readers using the inspirational story of Kentucky’s first woman governor—Martha Layne Collins. Collins accomplished what many thought impossible when she was elected Governor of Kentucky in 1983. The updated second edition draws heavily on the established principles of leadership from John W. Gardner and psychologist Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences while also emphasizing central themes of helpfulness, resilience, planning, kindness, using your strengths, courage, and service for the next generation of leaders. And do you know what else is at the center of all of Martha Layne’s stories? Compassion.
“A standard definition of compassion is, a sensitivity to the suffering in self and others with a commitment to try to alleviate and prevent it." — Dr. Paul Gilbert, Founder of Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) and the Compassionate Mind Foundation, UK
Any story with compassion at its center is one I want to be a part of bringing into the world. Join me today in bringing this book to your children, your friends, and yourself. We can all use a great example of what good leadership layered with compassion looks like. This is my example for today.
The Little Girl Who Grew Up to be Governor: Leadership Lessons and Stories From the Life of Martha Layne Collins, second edition, by Frances Smith Strickland, Ph.D., is available on Amazon in kindle or paperback.
What Is It That I Am Feeling?
By Erica Sonnabend
Wow. What a year it’s been.
I feel like that statement is one we're all hearing now that we've marked a full year since a global pandemic came crashing into our lives, but it really is fitting.
I certainly do not say these words lightly - quite the opposite, actually. The deep emotions behind that statement and what they represent are what strikes me the most when I hear that statement. There has never been a time in most of our lives that the whole world has experienced loss from the very same root cause.
As the weeks of uncertainty turned into months, I witnessed a shift in the collective conversation in our society that gave me hope. Initially, we were talking about the world shutting down, frightening case numbers, and lack of toilet paper, but then something else happened. While we were still talking about those drastic changes in our daily lives, we also started talking about how those changes made us feel.
Our conversations became a mix of both intellectual facts and the corresponding emotions that accompany them. Words such as mindfulness, awareness, wellbeing, compassion, and connection started popping up during nightly news reports, on social media, and in zoom calls all over the world. We as humans were speaking our emotional truth like never before. That truth was filled with all sorts of feelings - fear, sadness, longing, relief, gratitude, isolation, anger, desperation, love, etc. People started discussing problems with sleeping, eating, working, feeling stuck, being disoriented, and connecting to joy as a result of the pandemic.
Guess what all of those feelings are? Yup...GRIEF. Our usually “grief avoidant” society was experiencing loss in so many unprecedented ways that many of us started talking about our losses and our feelings instead of relying on the social norm of not really expressing our challenging emotions. As someone who has discovered the many benefits of dealing with all of my emotions (those most often viewed as either positive or negative), this is such a welcome change.
By July of last year, I had many people (including news media) reaching out to my grief support practice to ask what grief actually is and how someone can tell if they are experiencing it. To answer that question, I offered the definition of grief that completely changed my perspective on loss.
"Grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the change in or the end of a familiar pattern of behavior." - John W. James
Why is this definition so important?
Personally, I walked around thinking something emotionally was wrong with me after experiencing the death of my father, the end of my marriage, changes in my health, and challenges in my career. I believed that once my dad had been gone for a year, I was supposed to magically feel better, but I did not. I struggled to cling to what others told me about “being better off” when my marriage ended. And let us not forget that “everything happens for a reason” platitude. Those sentiments were offered out of love for me which I appreciate; however, I was still stuck and stuffing my feelings down.
The problem was that outside of the death losses I had experienced, I didn’t consider that the other changes in my life were also losses. Consequently, the conflicting feelings I experienced didn’t make sense to me. I couldn’t understand why I continued to feel the way I did so I kept those feelings hidden. I believed that loss was about death and that feelings of grief were reserved solely for that reason.
Grief is certainly about death, but it is also about so much more. It's about any change in your life that has deep emotional value to you. Only you can determine what those loss events in your life are and how you will integrate those losses into your future life. It is important that we realize that feelings of grief are not just limited to the date (or the year after) your loss occurred. Loss and change can cause ripple effects throughout our lives in various ways. Expressing the varied emotions that come up is absolutely essential.
As we moved through this past year, many of us came to realize that the definition of grief we'd been relating to for so long was too narrow. So much that was familiar to us came to an abrupt end and the changes are too many to count. Recognizing that feelings of grief and loss are not limited to specific changes helps us to expand our conversations. The figurative stop signs we used to encounter are replaced with open hearts and listening ears which leads us down a path toward healing.
There is much work ahead for us as we continue to battle this pandemic into year two. We will need to rely on each other and keep pushing to eradicate this public health crisis that has taken far too much. The losses are many which means the need to connect to our emotional truth is greater than ever. Let’s continue to shift our conversations about every aspect of our loss experiences by speaking our truth about how we feel when a “familiar pattern of behavior” changes or ends.
Wow. What a year indeed.
Be well, friends.
The Writing Paradox
The writing process is something I love. I have a reverence for it because the process is so similar to living life. To me, the process of showing up for life and all of its ups and downs, ins and outs, plateaus, plummets, and ascensions is sacred. There is a cadence to life and nothing is ever exactly the same if you are really paying attention. The writing process is the life process in a very specific context.
You're Not the Boss of Me! A Writer's Lament
If you’ve ever decided to embark on a big writing journey, like writing a book, you have been in the place where writer’s block takes hold and stops you in your tracks before you even begin.
Our first instinct is to resist: You’re not the boss of me! I will write RIGHT NOW! Sometimes just being there with your rear in the chair in front of your laptop is enough and you can power through for your allotted time or words per writing session. Other times, try as you might, you can’t seem to eek out more than a paragraph and the words that do come forth are not what you would call your best.
GRIEF: Navigating through the Holidays
Here we are in the second week of December. Many of us have been raised with holiday traditions and the shared wonder that makes this the most magical time of the year. I’ve felt this way for much of my life. The promise of holiday gatherings, maybe a favorite gift under the tree, colorful outdoor lights, familiar smells and the generosity of spirit have almost always left me feeling hopeful and loved. I have been truly fortunate. However, as I’ve grown older and experienced the death of loved ones, strained family relationships and a divorce, the magic of the holidays has been dulled by feelings of loss and disconnection.