by Heather Doyle Fraser
I live in Ohio. As such, the coming of Spring feels momentous and inspiring. January and February are a gray and gloomy duo for the most part. We vacillate from bitter cold – the kind that mercilessly cuts through your parka (yes, the thick and bulky one) – to steely skies that, while not bitter, surely aren’t warming. As I think about the Januarys and Februarys throughout my life, I often picture myself trudging through them while simultaneously trying to hygge up my space, bringing some comfort and cozy to my inner and outer landscape. And don’t get me wrong, I live by the seasons and enjoy the freedom I find within myself while I navigate them; however, as we gingerly approach each new season, I find myself ready for the shift.
This year, as I step across this threshold spotted with the beginnings of buds on the maple trees in my yard and green daffodil stems bumping out of the soil, I’ve set an intention to bring a bit of the comfort I cultivated during the Winter season into the Spring. I have a vision for myself: I’m on a mission to renew my commitment to comfort this year. I want to bring intentional awareness to what brings me comfort and explore how I can commit to living inside my comfort zone, especially when it comes to my writing practice and process.
In the coaching and corporate leadership worlds, there is a lot of noise around getting OUT of your comfort zone. According to the gurus, you can only excel and succeed if you stretch BEYOND your comfort zone. I think this idea trickles or crashes into our concept of what a successful writing practice and process looks like.
Your writing self has a need to be seen and heard. So naturally, your task-manager self wants to help you achieve and excel! Here’s a glimpse into what that competitive task manager might be saying as you plan your writing time:
“What works in my every day? Goals! Outcomes to achieve! A list of to-dos! How about 1000-1500 words per day? YES! That will do it. Create a stretch goal. Or better yet, just blow past that stretch and go straight for the gold! That’s the only way to be noticed. That’s the only way to be published. That’s the only way to get your message out in the world!”
What I know about writing and being human is that constantly being outside of your comfort zone – and way outside of it especially – leaves you engulfed by threat, fear, and resistance. This isn’t a place of creativity. This is a place of survival. And while you might be able to plow through that resistance initially, eventually, you will exhaust your internal resources. Your capacity for writing will diminish until it feels like your inspiration has left the building.
I have a different idea to explore – a different way to approach a writing life: I want us to settle into our comfort zones. I’m renewing my commitment to that throughout this season, and I would love for you to join me. I know it will take some practice, and it might even feel counter-intuitive if you are used to stretching, stretching, stretching, stretching until you feel like you might break instead of bend (that’s how I feel sometimes).
First, let’s start with a shared understanding of what I consider your comfort zone. I do not consider your comfort zone to be without struggle or challenge. I consider your comfort zone the place where you know -- with profound wisdom -- that you have the wherewithal to navigate the struggles and challenges that will inevitably come up as part of our humanity. I think your comfort zone sits at the confluence of the three emotional regulation systems within us: the Threat System, the Drive System, and the Soothe System. I’m borrowing the identification of these three emotional regulation systems from Compassionate Mind Training out of the Compassionate Mind Foundation UK, founded by Dr. Paul Gilbert.
According to Dr. Gilbert (the founder of Compassion Focused Therapy and Compassionate Mind Training), as humans, we have three emotional regulation systems that have evolved over time to help us survive. Picture in your mind three circles; ideally, they work in concert to help us thrive when they are balanced. I think your comfort zone lives at the intersection of this three-circle system, like a Venn Diagram. When you are in your comfort zone, you can utilize your Drive System and Soothe System to handle the fears, blocks, and resistance that Threat System ignites. I believe that your comfort zone IS your writing zone.
I believe that your comfort zone – or writing zone – grows with you and your voice, but if you try to grow too fast, you find yourself enveloped in threat and drive that you are not ready to navigate.
How might this show up in writing? In the form of fear, resistance, or what some people call writer’s block. When you are in the Threat System, you have a bodily response that tells you things are not safe. This happens in writing, too. You might experience sweaty palms, elevated heart rate, an unsettled stomach, shallow breathing – any of these may show up from time to time and at various levels of intensity when you see that blank page or when you are trying valiantly to get those 1500 words down in your writing session.
There’s another way to approach writing, though, that asks you to bring comfort, compassion, and soothing to your writing practice on purpose. A way that looks soft, subtle, and slow on the surface but is fierce and filled with strength if you have the courage to take the time and look underneath. This way requires curiosity and compassion to accompany your writing self as you stand within your writing zone. It begs you to start asking yourself questions and listening to the answers. Questions like, “What if I allowed my curiosity and comfort to be the momentum behind my inspiration and creativity? What if I embraced a balance of what empowers my drive and what inspires my soothe = what motivates me and what calms me?”
Spending time in this writing zone where you have strength and capacity leads to focused attention and words on the page. It’s a process that will take you to your outcome, but only if you stay in the practice day after day and are willing to comfort yourself when the page looks like a bleak February sky.
Interested in cultivating a compassionate practice for your writing this Spring? Join me in the ComPASSIONATE Writer, a 6-week program that supports your voice and your writing process. We begin on April 4. Learn more about the experience HERE.