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HOW YOU CAN USE YOUR GUILT TO ENGAGE IN ANTIRACISM (and why your self-focused shame isn't helping anyone)

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HOW YOU CAN USE YOUR GUILT TO ENGAGE IN ANTIRACISM (and why your self-focused shame isn't helping anyone)

"ALLIES: NOW IS THE TIME TO BE IN THE SERVICE OF BLACK LIBERATION. LIMIT YOUR RESPONSE TO WHAT IS OF REAL, TANGIBLE HELP TO US. GIVE MONEY, CALL YOUR REPS, PROTECT BLACK PEOPLE AT PROTESTS, ELEVATE OUR WORK AND VOICES. DON'T MAKE US SWIM THROUGH YOUR TEARS WHILE WE FIGHT." ~ IJEOMA OLUO

I’m a White millennial female psychologist working in New York City. In the wake of the modern-day lynching of Ahmaud Arbery and the police’s public execution of George Floyd and senseless murdering of Breonna Taylor and many other Black Americans, I've noticed something about how my White clients and I are struggling with how to take antiracist action and how to confront our complicity with racism.  I’ve noticed that even very well-intentioned. White people who are dedicated to fighting racial injustice can get caught up in wrestling with their shame, rather than focusing on taking meaningful action. I want to talk about why our shame isn’t helping anyone. 

Permission To Be Human

Permission To Be Human

It is something we often talk about in a longing way…

“I wish we just had time to slow down and be together.” Or “We are never all home at the same time!” And now, for the past couple of months (depending on where you live), EVERYONE is home ALL THE TIME. Only, this isn’t the “slowing down” we were talking about, right? So, what do we do now that we are all home- TOGETHER- in new, uncertain, unplanned for circumstances with so many questions, feelings, and fears running around in our heads and hearts?

In Positive Psychology we talk a lot about the parts of our life we can “control.” It’s a short list really – I can control: what I feel, what I think, and what I do. That’s it. That is the list.

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Helping Children Handle Strong Emotions

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Helping Children Handle Strong Emotions

Chris Fraser is a mental health therapist with children and families with over 25 years of experience. In this video Chris shares practical tools and useful wisdom that children can use to calm their worries during this time of quarantine and beyond. Once worries are calmed and cared for Chris teaches that the worries can just go along for the ride as children learn to take action on those things they care about or need to do.

No Wonder It Does Not Spark Joy!

No Wonder It Does Not Spark Joy!

I work with many clients with hoarding challenges. They have helped me to see and heal the 'hoarder' in me and others who come to see me NOT because of hoarding. I will use my own examples to clarify what I mean, and hope parts of this article resonate and are helpful for you:

I came from an academic background. 'Researcher' used to be my identity. Being someone skilled at conducting research still constitutes part of my self-value today, even though I have acquired a new identity as a therapist. Early this year I applied for a research grant to conduct a clinical trial on hoarding. However, my proposal was not funded, and the comments I received felt hurtful and hard to swallow. A week after getting these comments, I found myself saying yes and engaging in a dozen professional projects of various scales - I felt pride and heard my inner chatter saying, “I don't need the useless grant to do what I CAN do!” Anger was with me.